Monday, July 14, 2014

On the PG-13 of Madness



those Del Rey editions bring back memories

Of late, there has been much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments over Guillermo Del Toro’s announcement that he is in talks, again, over filming an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness as a PG-13 film. The big uproar, as usual when that particular combination of letters and numbers is uttered in conjunction with a horror film, seems to be over whether or not the film will be neutered. Of course it fucking won’t, but that isn’t the real problem with it anyways.



If you’ve read the book, it comes across fairly tame. Even those autopsies Guillermo mentions in interviews are clinical and detached. There isn’t anything shocking because that isn’t how Lovecraft wrote. The massive sex and gore we saw in adaptations were added entirely by the people adapting the stories. If filmed as written, they would come across as PG-13 without a flinch. Hell, his characters don’t even curse.



The real problem, as I’ve mentioned before, is that no one in their right mind would film any of his stories as they were written because they would make horrendous films. His stories are dry, insular and detached and usually hinge more on reading about the past than the actions of the present. They make for some interesting reading, but not good viewing.



That’s why Stuart Gordon added so much raunchy sex and overthe top gore to his filmic approaches to Lovecraft, as well as a shit ton of humor and absurdity. The different medium requires different approaches. Sure, the HPLHS did a great job with The Call of Cthulhu, but only for people that like watching dry, black and white and silent films with a small budget.



The financially successful Lovecraft adaptations were b-grade grindhouse fun. The faithful adaptations were doomed to failure, at least from a money point of view. This will never be the type of story that will attract blockbuster numbers. But I’m okay with that. I’d rather just read the damn book, anyways.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Now, You Have Your Answer

To read anyone's sincerely written horror is to view secret manifestos. Having to stick out our diseased tongues to see the dust there. If we open those mouths far enough, you will spy the blood between our teeth. We grind them together daily, nightly. Sometimes we spit it in the sink, usually it is our favorite ink. Writing horror doesn't evoke hell. It invokes survival from it, expiation of sins revelations jealously guarded against burning by those electing themselves the Guardians of Light. The Downfall of these guardians comes with coveting the sense of (ghoulish) rapture their short-sighted passions will never permit them.
-“Essay III: Decay”, Charlee Jacob

I've been reading Charlee Jacob's The Myth of Falling (which you can and should buy here), where I got the above quote. I can't think of a better explanation for that age-old, really frigging annoying question that regularly comes up when people find out you write, read or voraciously devour horror fiction. Harlan Ellison, the great and mighty, and declaimed even the name of the genre because nobody wants to feel that emotion.

Of fucking course nobody WANTS to feel horror, or experience it in any way. We would all rather cozy up in a nice comfortable bed with a plate of cookies and milk, our favorite puppy at our feet (or kitty at our side, if you prefer) and some wonderful, warm person cuddled up next to us. But sometimes, many times, way damn too many times, we have no choice.

And maybe we need some help processing it. Maybe we need to know it is not just us. Maybe we need to see it through a different lens to understand. Maybe we just need to lance the boil and let what was hiding beneath the skin come out into the open air.

When it comes to writing, nothing brings out stronger emotions than extreme horror. To write on subjects of rape and child abuse is, at least in my case, to dredge up the worst things of which I am too personally familiar. I don't intend to exploit broken bodies or shattered souls. This work depresses me, forcing me to re-experience that which I've fought to put behind me. But memories have a way of not letting you hide them, as it is generally better to face your fears in order to conquer them. To create a cathartic path through to bridge the nightmares with... or you can live in denial, and through a rigidly puritanical delusion, cause other victims to undergo more suffering.

That which is never spoken of becomes a dirty little secret. Nobody wants to get involved, except possibly to isolate the victims, making them more outside of the group of self-professed 'normals' than the original crimes against them did.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

The Power of Assholes in Attaining Unity


So, I noticed this on Blabbermouth*, and find myself huzzzahing Aaron Lewis and Dez Fafara (vocalists for Staind and Devildriver). As much as I believe Aaron has a damn good voice, I agree with the horn-handed majority in saying Staind kinda sucks . Coal Chamber was horrid, so I haven’t given Devildriver a chance. I’m too damn metal for those silly boys, but still I huzzah. Goes to show how a little sexism can bring people together, eh?

While I was a teen, I remember things like this being a huge problem. I even remember assholes yelling out that it “serves them right” for getting in or near the pit. Seriously, there were people that thought that was a reasonable response and that it justified their behavior. Even though I don’t recall a single time I ever got my balls cupped while playing a little pass-the-dude. I never understood the idea and its prevalence was why several kick ass ladies I knew hated to admit their love for metal.

But, it seemed to have slacked off. During the early 2000’s, the most I usually had to contend with was the xXx cowboys kicking girls in the face for about the same reason, but those guys were jackwads in any situation and were at least just as willing to kick me in the face. Point is, it makes me sad to see this making a comeback.

So, let’s get a little something straight here, buckos: You don’t get to grab up on somebody just because their fun bits are near you. I don’t care about the place or time. I don’t care about your stupid sense of entitlement to the silly machismo of the pit. And don’t you dare try giving me that “it’s just where she landed” bullshit because I see how careful you are about where your hands go with any passing guys. You are a piece of shit and will be treated accordingly. Please remember that there are plenty of us watching and that it is very easy for a little good natured moshing to turn into a serious beatdown if you aren’t willing to listen to reason.

*as a bonus, do yourself a favor and look for Liam O’rly’s response to an idiot comment. I want a bumper sticker with that shit. Now!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Super Dork Day



Yay! I have good news. Someone out there is facilitating my self-righteous dorkdom and providing me with a platform to tell you all how right I am. And, they are paying me money to do it. How kick ass is that? 

You can thank Paul Anderson. I have already.

It appears that the Summer edition of Jamais Vu will contain a short analytical piece on the hidden
this is what it looks like. pretty.
truth of Shaun of the Dead. I’ve only read their first issue so far, but I highly enjoyed it. Heck, they had poetry by Bruce Boston and Marge Simon and the very first story was from Gary Braunbeck. I also dug the non-fiction pieces they presented, something that is hard to find in many current magazines. So I’m damn proud of this and will be bugging you all to buy come post time.


 So much wow to be had with the yay and the woo hoo and the oh my god get out of my brain!

This whole thing kinda makes up for the fact that I received a rejection from Maurice Broaddus, who rights the kindest rejection notices I have ever experienced.  I imagine legions of women not lucky enough to be his wife still holding onto the delicate way he told them to please stop hanging out on his porch.

In the mean time, I found this lurking in my email and thought it fitting to share:

I noticed this question come up fromsomeone else who crowdsourced the answer. Since I haven’t rambled on anything in awhile, why not this. Hell, gotta do something with that fuckin BA in English and Comparative Lit and it sure ain’t makin money. Or using grammar properly, apparently.

Short and overused response: Literature comments on the human condition.

We’ve all heard that saw, but it works for me. It’s what defines something I enjoy and forget  versus something that sticks in my skull and rattles around in there for awhile. It’s also a lot stickier than it seems on the surface. Of course, that’s the fun for me.

Some traditionally trashy and downright stupid novels and films do this. They may not do it well, but they do it. Similarly, some of the most erudite works out there do not. They wrap dense prose around obtuse events and call it a day. Thereby making smart stuff stupid and stupid stuff smart. Yay stupid.
The real entertainment value in all of this is that the decision cannot ever be reached in consensus. All of this hemming and hawing and splitting of hairs occurs in the interaction between the words on the page and the neurons in your noggin. Since our own experiences of the human condition vary, we all process them differently against the expressed representations of someone else's experience. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Of Laundry and Adultery



I saw a weird thing today. John Scalzi posted a silly tweet about his wife using her feminine wiles to seduce him into folding the laundry. It was just about as witty as it was forgettable and the world moved on. Except one man who felt it necessary to pronounce to the world that this was begging his wife to cheat on him and refer to the whole as emasculating. 

Nope, not gonna link to him because he’s received enough traffic for this nonsense.
Now, I understand sexism and misogyny. I don’t agree with them, but I grasp the underpinnings of the kind of worldview they present. This just confuses the crap out of me. 

Does he believe women cheat on their husbands because they help out with basic, non-woodchoppy and/or animal-killing  duties? I kind of wonder if he’d been cheated on almost immediately after folding laundry and he’s used that excuse ever since. Also, did she cut off his balls afterword? That could explain the paranoia, but I hope this hasn’t happened enough times to make him believe it is how everyone acts. 

My wife only cheats on me when I refuse to wrestle grizzlies in the nude and denigrate the effeminate. Admittedly, she is more liberal than most of my friends’ wives but the point is that not all women are this crazy. Behavior like Scalzi’s really just merits a disapproving frown and all of womankind laughing at him behind his back for his gullibility. Kind of like that time you did the dishes back in 1997 but not as bad as when you made a quiche.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

More of Me: Millennicon and Horrorhound



Because I know you want as much as you can get. Right? Please tell me I’m right. I’m getting a little insecure here.  We’ll just assume I’m at least non-repellant and move on.


March 14-16: Millennicon


One of my favorite conventions. Certainly my favorite in the Cincinnati area. Jim C Hines is the guest of honor, which is just pure gigglies on toast. Plus, I ran a flash fiction contest for teens (judged by none other than Maurice Broaddus, Steve Saus, Eric Beebe and Teri A Jacobs) and the winners will be doing a reading at noon on Saurday. I’ll also be running a free writing workshop from 2pm-4pm on the same day. And I get to wax all intellectual-like over why people go so gaga over zombies and the walking dead (hint: TERRORISM! gasp). Add to that what are sure to be spirited arguments over Fan Fiction, Marvel vs DC and Disney Princesses and we have what should be a heck of a time. While you are there, be sure to stop by the StormySoaps table in the capitolism room so you can say hello to the missus (and buy nice smellies).

And, I'm considering taking my brand new, super-shiny Machine of Death box for open gaming. It's pretty and looks to be fun.

check out my con report from last year.




This will be my first time at this convention and I plan on being there as nothing more than a journalist and total dork. They’ve got panels on You’re Next and Tucker & Dale Vs Evil (god, do I hope to be able to hug up on Tyler Labine) along with an appearance by Clint Howard. Plus, Evil Dead the Musical as well as the expected films (Return to Nukem High? Yes, I shall), cosplay and assorted weirdness. Should be a hoot.


If you feel the itch, come on down to either one. Feel free to join me in a jig or three while yer there.