Hairy palms and all...

Today, I caught a bit of Teenwolf (the new series, not the “Micheal J. Fox rides vans and dunks on everyone” display of total 80’s awesomeness-pictured above) on MTV. Please don’t make fun of me, it was on the TV at work and I only saw it incidentally as I was getting some water. But the portion I saw sent me into near paroxysms of laughter. Specifically, I saw I guy metaphorically get a slow dance boner and freak out in fear that someone would notice him come in his pants.

We all know that Victorians used to use vampire stories as a way to mask the hot and sexy stories for ladies, specifically those dealing with lesbianism (some thing snever change). It was a way to deal with the naughty bits while still wrapping them in lame morality and allow the readers to tell people they are reading supernatural fiction to thrill themselves. I always felt bad the Mina ended up with boring old man Harker instead of the Count, who had obviously rocked her world. Anyways, that’s probably why they work so well as a way for mid-pubescent girls to deal with their burgeoning sexuality, especially since a lack of blood would leave the guys in question effectively impotent.

Then we look at werewolves. I’m not the first one to point to a marked increase in aggression, hair in unusual places and new, frantic, all-consuming urges and say that they must be talking about guys during puberty. They become freakish, violent, uncontrollable monsters and never really change back. It’s a given.

Then I see a presumable werewolf dancing close with a girl. His eyes go wide, the music becomes distorted and the image looses focus and his nostrils flare before he freaks out. We all know what happened, because we’ve all almost turned into a wolf on the dance floor. Maybe this will even turn into a vehicle for adolescents to cope with burgeoning homosexuality in a discrete way.

(ok, so discrete isn't one of their goals)

On a side note, I rewrote the fall from paradise portion of Genesis as a fable. It didn't take much, but it amused me. Also, remember that there are only four days left until you can submit your stories of awesomely dickish awesomeness for the King Paul Anthology


  1. Taylor Lautner's SO hawt! Oh, I mean, um... Go werewolves, go!!


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